I think it's a fault most of us cling to,.... the idea we know where we are going and to ask for any other input other than what is bottled up inside of our smart little heads would be simply absurd.
As a mother, I attempt to teach my children basic learning skills such as, "Ask before you get a drink of milk so this can be prevented Emy." As I'm wiping up a gallon of 2% milk spilled into every crevice of my kitchen floor. I look at the curly blonde headed girl with hair twisted and sticking in every direction staring back at me with icy blue eyes that would penetrate your soul and the innocence in her little voice managing barely a creak. "But I thought you were too busy, and I was so thirsty I couldn't stand it."
There is was. A reflection of myself. Thinking to myself, even if I was slightly busy doing the dishes or folding laundry. She knows not once has mommy ever let her go thirsty. She just knew that in order to get the results she wanted which was indeed prompt action and forgo having to wait, she knew what she must do. She must do it herself. As the old saying goes its better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
Oh the little lessons in everyday life that have me laughing at the hypocrisy in myself. One of these little learning moments which make me realize, that the strong will of that little girl comes very deeply rooted in her DNA. As a matter of fact, that little girl is me.
More often than not I find myself in a puddle of milk in the floor looking up and asking my Creator, "Why?" Or justifying my situation as, "Well I couldn't wait any longer so I thought you wanted me to do something!" I make a mess of my life more often than I should thinking that I know exactly where I need to be. Or how to get what I want.
About a year ago, I had a crazy notion that I want to go back to school. I had all these ideas to fix a life and happiness that I was convinced was broken. So I pursued school, without thoroughly consulting with the One I should have to begin with. Lets just say I asked for directions but was already a 1/2 mile down the road before He had a chance to open His mouth. I threw all caution to the wind and gave up my 100% stay-at-home-mom status and I chugged myself full steam ahead through school, getting a job, establishing a career I had always wanted and creating a financial burden on myself that I didn't feel the slightest bit concerned about until the day it dawned on me, I had pushed my family aside, I had pushed my children aside and all I was learning was simply how to live a self consumed, materialistic, life for me. "The American Dream." (shudder) Not to say the direction I had been traveling was necessarily a bad direction, I'm convinced now it was more in HOW I traveled this direction. Are there things I wish I could take back when the burden of my choices sit on my chest like a concrete block? Yes. However, the more time I spend with my God the more the solution becomes more clear.
I had simply fallen into a kind of selfish, depressed sort of living thinking the world absolutely owed me something, digging myself into a financial burdensome hole trying to use material possessions to satisfy my hungry disobedient soul. Until one day I was asking God. "How am I going to patch things up this time, I've really made a stink of things." When he brought the incident to mind of spilled milk. Life is about learning to ask for directions. It's about learning that sometimes we must wait for our glass of milk. Sometimes God isn't ready to put us where he wants us to be. Or frankly sometimes we aren't ready to be where God needs us to be, and when we go on our own taking the road we think we need to travel just because we get tired of waiting it sometimes is just a way to take the long way around.
That's not to say we don't make a mess in the process. But luckily Jesus is there to wipe away the spilled milk mess, just expect maybe a little bit of scolding in the process, but love too reminding us he's never let us go thirsty before and He's not about to start now. There however is a good chance our kitchens might smell sour and our glass of milk we craved so longingly is delayed even further until Mom can get to the store to buy more. But He's there to reassure us that he will provide us what we need when the time is right. Not when we think it is. So the next time the burn and thirst of this world overtake my throat I think instead of asking for forgiveness, I've decided from here on out I think I'll just try to learn and ask for directions.
Signing off,
Amanda
The Modest Mom
