Laying beside a squirming 6 year old giddy with excitement about our day of school shopping tomorrow makes my heart overflow with joy... on the inside I revel at life and can't wait for this beautiful adventure to add to my memories. But on the outside my body aches.. my stomach queasy my mind over shaken with vertigo and eyes droop with fatigue enough to take down a linebacker.. it's times like this I want to shake my fist at the sky and ask. "Why me Lord?" Almost as soon as I ask that question I almost instantly regret it.... I feel guilty through my pain. What a complete utter oxymoron. Sometimes I just don't understand... yes I know im supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to throw words of inspiration and strength admist my tears... but I am not going to lie. Sometimes I hate that I'm that small percentage of Lyme disease in Oklahoma. I am disgusted that I have to pop pills on a regular basis to even resemble a normal function of life.. I'm sad that I can't even be excited about a fun day awaiting because lyme has decided to ravage my body.. it seems unfair. I am a 28 year old woman and feel like I'm in my early 70s on the days Lyme decides to have a little fun... So on days like today I search for my strength.. in music.. in quotes.. in the words of my friends or even the squirming of a young girl looking forward to a day with mom... I choose to focus on that and push through the aching joints, headaches and fatigue. Smile even when it hurts and remember that my disease only defines my life if I allow it to... not today lyme disease, not today...
Until next time,
The modest mom
Amanda
