I have spent most of my life riding the fence. Let me be brutally honest. I am not a great decision maker. I was that child in line who couldn't decide whether they wanted the strawberry lollipop or the grape one. I would stand there and reason with why I couldn't have both. Then I would stand there and let it fester so long I usually either made a decision and instantly regretted it or didn't get either lollipop because I waited too long. Haha. I think this is one reason I have an obsession with redoing my house. I'm being brutally honest, I probably redecorate my house at least once a year. I am constantly moving furniture, tweaking this to the right or to the left. But you know what else when I redecorate my house I usually take all the old decoration down and store it away in my attic, or give it to my mother because I KNOW if I regret this decision I can always go back and get it later. This morning I watched a sermon livestreaming and it was about divine direction. As I listened to this pastors words. I realized that I need this so much more now than I ever had in my entire life. I spend my every waking hour not being able to decide what to do or wear. Sometimes I change my clothes as many as 5x in the morning because I cant decide and even then I sometimes regret the choice I made later on in the day. (No kidding)
As this pastors voice resonated in not only my ears but also my heart I realized I carry this insane practice over into my spiritual life. I never want to make a big enough decision that I am forced to make a complete change. Like I always want to make decisions inside what I am going to call my "safe box". Because within those four walls of my "safe box" I can control majority of the aspects that scare me. I'm not really sure when this insane practice began for me or why if there is some deep psychological reasoning behind why I do this but this morning God spoke deeply to my heart and began to unfold just a little glimmer of the truth behind why I continue to live in such a chaotic state of indecision.
I always have came back to the same excuse.
"Well how am I supposed to truly KNOW what God wants me to do?"
Whether it be fear of displeasing God, or the painful fact making a decision will require me to let go of the strings I've been holding onto. My indecisiveness toward God has turned into outright sin in my life. My sin has become my inaction for whatever reasons they might be.
Sometimes life seems a lot easier when we are comfortable. I mean lets be completely honest for a hot minute. Change is scary. I mean small change is scary even like painting your living room that robin egg blue even though it looks GREAT in the pinterest pictures, but BIG change that is like really scary, like resigning from a position, relocating your family, selling your home. I find myself always sticking to making changes for God inside my "safe box".
"Sure God I''ll move, 15 minutes down the road because that is easy."
"Sure God I'll take that position because it requires no amount of fear or change in what I'm currently experiencing."
"Sure God I'll volunteer or teach at church. But my church only because its the safe, easy thing and I've been doing it so long it feels like second nature."
"Sure God"
"Sure God"
"Sure God"
But what if, just what if Gods blessings are outside of our "safe box". What is He is just waiting patiently for us to pick the lemon sucker because even though the lemon sucker seems scary and it is not at all what you had in your mind or what you are used to. The lemon sucker was the one. It was the one He waiting for you to pick.
One thing the sermon touched on toward the end was, Make a decision. Make a prayer led, whole heart, God decision and if you are wrong you get something even the great Solomon wanted. Wisdom. But when you make that decision don't keep your other choice in the attic so you can always come back to it. Jump in with your arms in the air and surrender to God. See what He has planned for you. Don't be so fearful of making a mistake that you walk down the line of comfort because you never want to take that leap of going left or right.
I know after today I will. I might still decide to redecorate my house every year, or change clothes 10+ times in the morning, I might still stand at the grocery store trying to decide between two different brands of instant mashed potatoes because I want to make sure I make the right decision. But I will remember the valuable lesson taught today. I will remember that my decision is important because I refuse to ever make a true God decision for my life I will miss out not only the blessings for my life but I will miss out all the wisdom God will provide me through each of these decisions I choose to make.
If I want to be a risk taker in any area of my life it is going to be for my Savior Jesus Christ. But truly any decision I make towards Him to the left or right is going to be the right decision in the end.
The Modest Mom.
